stueykins

Well, here it is. A proper home for the various ramblings and inane waffle of Stueykins.
Here I can say whatever comes to mind… without being edited by my darling wife (hehehee)… the only problem there  is that thoughts inside my head are about as common as wild unicorns. I’ll try and do summat interesting here now and then.. and maybe one day write something worth reading, until then it’s just me being me in a me-ish sort of way.

Want to live somewhere where it’s 100% problem free?

where IF anything does somehow manage to go wrong it is invariably SOMEONE ELSE’S FAULT?

Then come and join ME and live in Denial.

You can cut yourself off from the world and pretend to be happy for ever, never have any problems (even when those who truly care about you can see otherwise), and generally do whatever the hell you feel like with no fear at all of consequences.

Yes people, denial is a really great place to live…. until you wake up and realise what a fool you are being, all the things you are missing out on AND all of the wonderful people you didn’t even have the brains to realise you missed so much. So I think it’s time to pack my bags, leave Denial and head back to the real world. Maybe I’ll even chat to you there sometimes… and if I don’t then I’m the one missing out.

Take care peoples and I’ll see you all real soon.

Less than a week until flying time now and I still seem to have so very much to do. Finish emptying the flat, goodbye visit’s with family and friends and probably a lot of things I can’t even remember I’m supposed to do.

I can see that I’m making headway at least now… having no beds here sort of points that things are moving. But I’m so knackered now, mentally and physically exhausted. If it were an option I think I’d sleep from now until take off.

Oh well, keep plodding on and it should all be done with time to spare LOL.

this may seem odd to some people, but I have come to realize that Me, Myself and I are three separate entities in a way.

Firstly there’s Me.. the bloke people see all the time, not a bad bloke all in all (I hope) but not really all that tangible either.. he’s the bloke I hide behind, the facade… the portrayal of the person I subconsciously think other people want to see.

Then, if you get to know me and get to peel away a few layers you find Myself and you get to see that I’m not as outgoing as I can sometimes, with difficulty, pretend to be.. in some ways this part of me is better than the first part.. more sensetive and wotnot.. but mostly he’s scared and angry.

Finally there’s I the part I never have let anyone see all of.. only one person has ever cracked the walls around this bloke and peeked in.. and that one person quite possibly knows this part of me better even than I do.. it’s the part of me I try to hide even from myself.. the neurotic, timid wreck that is home to all my anxieties …and where my ego lives in shame.

Not exactly enlightening … but there you have it…. meet stuart, he’s pleased to meet you and hopes oneday to be able to tell you that in person.

For those of you who have tried to make out what I said during my “speech”.. this is what I originally wrote, it takes as long to read as it did to write so please forgive me any soppy stuff and corny bits… I just tried to write what I felt.. I fell short.. but the thought was there

I’d like to thank you all for being here to help us celebrate this day, I’d like you all to join me in raising your glasses in toast to Carole who looks stunning as bridesmaid, for doing all the bridesmaidy stuff so well, and handling with ease such a big job for such a small person .

I would also like to take a moment to offer a very special thank you to Pam and Dennis, for bringing into this world someone for me to love so dearly, and raising her to be daft enough to love me back.

But most of all I’d like to thank Wendy, I was pretty sure what to expect when I knew she’d be at my brothers wedding… after all, We’d met before… ok, so I was only 12 last time, but so what. Boy was I wrong.  Suddenly there she was, and I’m not sure whether I felt more like I’d won the lottery… or been hit by a truck. It was one of those moments you read about but never really believe, lightening, bells, choirs of angels and all the trimmings. And there was me… convinced she wouldn’t even notice I existed. In truth, until that moment I had only half existed. part of me had always been missing. The more time I spent with Wendy the more I felt that I had found out what was missing… or more to the point, WHO was missing, I didn’t fall in love with Wendy so much as discover that I had always loved her and was just waiting for her to show me the truth.

If all the world is a stage, and all the people merely players… I’d like to thank the writers director and casting manager for my part. I may never win an Oscar, but I will put everything I have into filling the role I have been given as husband to the real star of my life.

Finally I’d like to offer a big thank you to the best of best men, Ben,… but as Wendy has been uncharacteristically quiet for so long I’ll do the husbandly thing and shut up while she makes a better job of it

Welcome Stuart, here is your handwriting analysis.

Stuart has difficulty making decisions. His mind changes constantly. He lives in an emotional tug of war. Stuart could be described like a thermometer. Today warm and friendly, yet tomorrow he may be distant and cold, not wanting to be close to anyone. Some research indicates that people with a severe variety in the slant of their handwriting have an inability to tolerate sugar and are suffering the side-effects of too much sugar in their diet. If moods swings are a reoccurring issue, investigate the diet. If Stuart encounters a situation he cannot handle he frequently pulls into himself. He feels his emotions are secure if he is withdrawn. When he has solved the problem he can be very outgoing and again need other people’s companionship. Some see Stuart as very moody, but it it would be more accurate to say he has two complete personalities that he chooses depending on the circumstance. This type of person is often hard to understand because no one knows what personality he is exhibiting today. He may not be bothered by something one minute, then the next minute become upset at the same thing. It is very difficult to pin down Stuart’s emotional expressiveness. People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Stuart doesn’t write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.  Stuart will demand respect and will expect others to treat him with honor and dignity. Stuart believes in his ideas and will expect other people to also respect them. He has a lot of pride. Stuart will be candid and direct when expressing his opinion. He will tell them what he thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don’t really want his opinion, don’t ask for it! Stuart has a desire for attention. People around Stuart will notice this need. He may fulfill this need by a variety of ways depending on his own character. In reference to Stuart’s mental abilities, he has a very investigating and creating mind. He investigates projects rapidly because he is curious about many things. He gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but he soon must slow down and look at all the angles. He probably gets too many things going at once. When Stuart slows down, then he becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, he must slow down to do it. He then decides what projects he has time to finish. Thus he finishes at a slower pace than when he started the project. He has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. His mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. He can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Stuart can then switch into his low gear. When he is in the slower mode, he can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. He is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip. Stuart’s true self-image is unreasonably low. Someone once told Stuart that he wasn’t a great and beautiful person, and he believed them. Stuart also has a fear that he might fail if he takes large risks. Therefore he resists setting his goals too high, risking failure. He doesn’t have the internal confidence that frees him to take risks and chance failure. Stuart is capable of accomplishing much more than he is presently achieving. All this relates to his self-esteem. Stuart’s self-concept is artificially low. Stuart will stay in a bad situation much too long… why? Because he is afraid that if he makes a change, it might get worse. It is hard for Stuart to plan too far into the future. He kind of takes things on a day to day basis. He may tell you his dreams but he is living in today, with a fear of making a change. No matter how loud he speaks, look at his actions. This is perhaps the biggest single barrier to happiness people not believing in and loving themselves. Stuart is an example of someone living with a low self-image, because their innate self-confidence was broken. Stuart is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect his ego when he feels hurt. He pokes people harder than he gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time. Stuart has a temper. He uses this as a defense mechanism when he doesn’t understand how to handle a situation. Temper is a hostile trait used to protect the ego. Temper can be a negative personality trait in the eyes of those around him. Stuart has a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust. He lets new people into his circle of friends. He uses his imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people. For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer’s attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Stuart has left lots of white space on the left side of the paper. Stuart fills up the rest of the page in a normal fashion. If this is true, then Stuart has a healthy relationship to the past and is ready to move on. The right side of the page represents the future and Stuart is ready and willing to get started living now and planning for the future. Stuart would like to leave the past behind and move on.